I’m sorry I’ve been on hiatus with no real explanation.
Over the past week I have been having a serious borderline episode. For me, this means that all of the emotions I am usually able to deal with using DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) techniques are stronger than usual, so the techniques I use don’t work out so well.
For example, I’ve been having hypomanic episodes some days, which means I’ve been getting significantly less sleep which has messed up my sleeping pattern. Under normal circumstances I would take my emergency zopiclone to help me, but these shouldn’t be taken with alcohol and usually by the time I’ve remembered I have them I’ve started drinking.
Anyway. This post is just an update to say I’m not gone.
I’ll still be here, coming back in the next week or so with new content for you.
This weekend was particularly intense as some difficult things happened within my family life that triggered a BPD meltdown.
BPD meltdowns happen (in my case, at least) when you become so consumed and overwhelmed by emotion that the rational parts of my brain shut down.
The rationalising techniques taught in therapy, like finding distractions, like films or crafts, or self-soothing, such as having a hot drink or a bath, are no longer effective.
During my meltdowns, I am incapable of stopping crying.
My brain goes a mile a minute thinking about why I am worthless, why I should be ashamed of who I am, and how I don’t deserve to be alive any more.
Eventually it passes. Honestly, the most effective thing to help a BPD meltdown is time.
I understand that you might not want to. In that situation you probably feel like you don’t deserve any kind of love and support. Regardless of whether you deserve it, I promise you that there are people in your life who want to support you. They want to help. Let them.
And please, if it is an emergency call 999 or visit your nearest A&E.
These emotions are temporary.
In the mean time, if you’re reading this, here are some BPD related memes I’ve found on the Internet that might provide the relief of making you smile.
(Source: BPD Meme Queen)
(Source: Sarah Anderson)
Okay lovely people, that’s all from me tonight.
Take care of yourselves,